funny page, let us know a good joke

Extracts of letters sent to Council Officers

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. – J. W.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it. – J. D.

This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door. – B. N.

I request your permission to

remove my drawers in the

kitchen. – F.T.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. –J. P.

Would you please send a man to look at my spout , I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away. – A. N.

School is serious enough.

Why not look at the funny side of life?

Let us know a good joke ! We´ll publish it !

Hello, Sir, how goes it you? Oh, thank you for the afterquestion. Are you already long here? No, first a pair day. I am not out London. Thunderweather, that overrush me. You see not so out. That can yes beforecome. But now what other: My hairs stood to mountain as I the traffic saw. So much cars give it here. You are heavy on the woodway if you believe that in London horsesdriveworks go. Will we now beer drink go? My throat is outdried. But look there is a guesthouse, let us man there go! That is a good think! Equal goes it loose. I will only my shoeband close. Here are we. Make me please the door open. But there is a beforehangingcastle, the economy is too. How sorry! Then I will back go in the hotel, it is already late. On againsee! Oh yes, I will too go. I must get the draught to Backsidemonkeycastle. Auf Wiedersehen! Nanu, Sie sind Deutscher? Ja, Sie auch? Das wundert mich aber. Ihr Englisch ist so hervorragend, dass ich es gar nicht bemerkt hätte.

There was a young lady of Thrace,

Whose nose spread all over her face;

She had very few kisses,

The reason for this is,

There wasn`t a suitable place.

There was a stout damsel of Tattenham,

Who stripped to her undies and sat in`em,

When her mother said, "Jane,

Put your clothes on again!"

She said, "No, I won`t; I look fat in`em."

Notice seen in the Gents toilet at a seaside resort - "If you promise not to throw cigarette ends in my urinal I will promise not to come to your house and pee in your ash trays."

How do you address a lady health inspector? "Hi, Jean."

How do make a sausage roll? Push it.

Brain teaser

Find a caption to this photograph!!

The best suggestion will be published here soon.

Two business ladies require a sleeping partner for beauty salon. (London evening newspaper)

A London public lavatory assistant has not had a holiday for years. So he writes to the head office asking for one. When he gets an answer, it reads as follows: "Take your holiday at your convenience."

Back to the top

One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.

Blind Date

Joe met Rose on a blind date and decided to take her to the fair. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed." So Joe took her to the man with the scales who guesses people's weight. He looked at Rose and said, 8 stone 2 lbs. The man was unusually wrong as Rose only weighed in at 8 stone, so she collected a prize.

Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scales, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly. Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "I want to get weighed!" she said again. Joe began to think this girl was a bit of a weirdo, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.

Rose's flat mate was waiting up for her to return and asked how the evening went. "Wousy!" Rose replied.

from : www.joke.co.uk

What does a buffalo say when her son leaves?

Bi-son.

Jokes for the young ones

How do you greet a German barber?

Good morning, Herr Dresser.

What wears a coat all winter and pants all summer?

A dog.

Teacher: This is your first week at school. How do you like going to school?

Jimmy: I like going and I like coming back. It's the bit in between that I don't like.

Visitor to farm: Do you know how long cows should be milked?

Jimmy: As long as short ones.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Firstly, I`d like to thank you for choosing to fly Mandarin Airlines. As we taxi out to the runway please make yourself comfortable... and for those of you sitting on the right side of the plane... please look to your LEFT!

Do you like chicken wings ?

chicken1.jpg (22783 Byte)

Katherine Ortega of Newport News, Va., is shown Wednesday, Nov. 29, 2000, holding the chicken head she says she found in her chicken wing box, which she says she purchased Tuesday, Nov. 28, at a McDonald´s in Newport News, Va.

(AP Photo/The Daily Press,Sangjib Min)

We are waiting for good joke from you!!

contact us

Computer Problems: Email to technical support centre

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other system activities. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, DrunkenBoysNight 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favourite applications. I´m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks.

Answer from technical support centre

Dear User,
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertaining program. In fact, Wife 1.0 is an Operating System and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 ,so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems the original system. Look into your Manual under " Warning and Alimony/Child Support ". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for all faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action is always to enter the command C:\ Apologise. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the Apologise command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but of very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to your operating system.
Best of luck.
Tech Support

Test your intelligence !!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door.

> This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Wrong Answer! Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.

> This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.

> This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

> This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

Condoleeza Rice is the Security Advisor to the American President. George B. is also known as George W.B.

Top Secret straight from the Oval Office

Who is who?

George B.: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza R.: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B.: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza R.: That's the man's name.
George B.: That's who's name?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza R.: That's correct.
George B.: Then who is in China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Then who is?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: No, thanks.
Condoleeza R.: You want Kofi?
George B.: No.
Condoleeza R.: You don't want Kofi.
George B.: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleeza R.: And call who?
George B.: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the guy in China.
George B.: Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi.
George B.: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condoleeza R.: Rice, here.
George B.: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.

by James Sherman, see: http://realtytimes.com/rtnews/rtapages/20021218_misunderstandings.htm