English Online Projects at Gymnasium Steglitz, Berlin
No time for each other ?
Alan Ayckbourn´s short play "A Talk in the Park" inspired a series of essays: Have we lost the ability to listen to other people? Do we only care for ourselves? Where are our priorities ? Let us know your view.
People are not able to listen anymore because they do not have the time!
Whenever we hear this statement we have to
question ourselves why we actually do not have the time to listen to the opinions and
problems of the people around us!
This seems to be a very complex issue and if we really want to analyse this problem we
have to apply different examples: Let us imagine a child that is four years old and that
goes to the kindergarten every day during the week. As parents are often quite ambitious
they want to encourage their children to play an instrument or even two. And because
playing an instrument is very hard work for young children they need a balance; and that
is why parents sometimes also want their children to do some sports, so the little boy or
girl has to play tennis, football or go to riding-lessons, too.
Playing the piano and enjoying oneself by taking part in a football game certainly seem to
be very good for a child; but I personally think that young children should not have to do
any of these activities! Later in their lives there is going to be plenty of time when
they can do things like that; they should really have the time to play with their little
friends for a long time without being disturbed.
It often seems to me as if the parents, especially the mothers, of those very
"active" children were better haulage companies! They have to drive their kids
from one event to the next, so that the parents themselves do not have the time to listen
whenever their children could have problems: And that is why people are not able to
listen, as you can see, because they do not have the time!
In the age of the computer one should assume that people had more time to spend
because a letter (an "email") to South Africa is exactly going to take two
seconds to arrive, for example. We do not have to buy paper and stamps, we even don’t
have to go to the post-office anymore.
Let us take another example: These days a lot of kitchen appliances are available, so that
one practically does not have to do anything! We have dishwashers, for example.
Nevertheless mothers often do not have the time to listen to the problems of their
children and their husband.
I personally think that this is due to a "reversal of roles" that has taken
place in the last 150 years. Two centuries ago women had to help in the stables, on the
fields or even slaughtering of animals. And I think at that time mothers did have more
time for their children than they have now, even though many women have a lot of help in
their households these days (for example the machines mentioned above).
Why did it come to this reversal of roles? It is partly because many, many magazines
praise the self-realization of each individual; in our society every person is actually so
concerned about his job, his hobbies, his friends, his problems, his future … that
there does not seem to be any free time which could be shared by listening to other
people!
And it is partly because we disturb the "rhythm" that nature has given us; we
often do so many things (job, sports-activities) that our body has to function for 24
hours, which is not healthy and which is going to "destroy" us. And if we do not
physically work, we sit in front of the TV. Our brain is used – often too long! We
destroy the rhythm that nature has given us because we want to do so many things and it is
hard for us to do without. Our body needs time to relax, and this time could be used in
order to listen to other people.
One could draw parallels between the play "A Talk in the Park", which was
written by Alan Ayckbourn and the points listened above: All people in the play, no matter
whether it is about Beryl, Charles or Doreen, they want something which they cannot give
to other people; namely to be listened to! Doreen was married, but her husband was so
terrible to her that she now feels haunted by him even though they do not live together
anymore. Charles has financial troubles due to his bad job, but he has had a fulfilled
life before his wife died.
All the people in this play seemed to have had enough opportunities to reach their
personal happiness, but their plans did not really come true as noone ever had the time to
listen to them and the actual problems they must have had!
As a result one could say that these days many people are not able to listen to other
people because they do not seem to have enough time to cope with their life; but I suggest
that instead of doing 1000 different things one should certainly set priorities! And if a
person has finally established and actually discovered his personal priorities, it should
not be a problem to share thoughts and problems with other people in order to help them!
People do not listen anymore: Egoism or lack of time?
In the society of today people
are not able to listen to other people anymore because of many different reasons.
One of these reasons is that people only care about themselves and not about other people.
This behavior is based on egoism which is everywhere in the world of today. Everybody
looks out that he himself will get the best and what others will get does not interest
him. This appears in many different situations, in the job, at school or in the store.
What happens to other people does not seem to be important anymore. Because of this egoism
people do not want to listen anymore to other people´s problems. They are too much
involved in their own problems and are not able to think about anything else anymore.
A good example of this egoism is the play "A Talk in the Park" by Alan
Ayckbourn: five people are sitting on separate benches in a park. Each person symbolizes
another category of people. These five people talk about their individual problems such as
boyfriend trouble, special hobbies or about their wife. Everybody talks but nobody wants
to listen. Whenever somebody has talked for a while the other person on the bench gets up
and goes to the neighbouring bench. This is a typical sign of egoism because listening to
the other people´s problems does not seem to benefit them, so they do not care about the
talk.
Another reason why people do not want to listen to other people´s problems is that the
society of today suffers of lack of time: "run, run, run, never stop" this seems
to be the main point in life. The offerings of the entertaining business become bigger
every day: new movies, new exhibitions or new concerts which every person of today has to
visit; because of this lack of time people are not able to sit in peace anymore and listen
what other people have to say.
In my opinion this behavior will harm
the society of today because I think that communication is one of the most important
qualities in the life of a human being.
It is rather general to say that people
do not care for other people´s problems. That assertion cannot be applied to every human
being to the same degree. Some people prefer to listen and let others talk, it all depends
on the individual.
However, most people do in fact favour to talk about their problems. It is only possible
to care for something if one is really interested in listening and does not view it as an
obligation. Furthermore I would state that this behaviour happens naturally and needs to
be controlled; if one succeeds in doing that it might be forgotten that one had to force
oneself. Nonetheless, one is born with the attitude and to be precise people care about
others but their own problems have priority.
An excellent example of that conduct is the play "A Talk in the Park" by Alan
Ayckbourn, in which everybody complains about someone who talks about his problems
although at the same time he himself does the same thing by addressing another person with
exactly the same moaning. By doing this they even contradict themselves but do not seem to
realize that. They leave the person who wants to tell them about their difficulties.
Everybody wants but does not pay attention. Generally speaking the meaning of the play
could be that one needs and looks for a shoulder to cry on, but the other person is too
focused on his own problems. Additionally it is said that everybody wants to be at the
centre of attention, which explains why no one is keen on letting other people talk.
If one considers a relation between two individuals who do not have to work together these
analyses seem right but if people have to they certainly will support each other. The boss
will support his worker. His intention is that the worker maximises his efficiency. The
worker wants to earn more money and is therefore also interested to please his boss. Both
depend on each other and will hence care and listen. Basically the same applies to trade
unions who look after their members’ welfare. In these two examples commercial
interests play a big role, but without monetary concerns, which means without a necessity
or a compulsion, many people do not care for others. They only begin to help if their own
interests are affected. Nevertheless, the universal statement that people do not care is
wrong. The church, for instance, thinks about the difficulties which many human beings
have. Their motives are based on an ethical, moral and ideological ground. Despite that
fact, not many people would offer help if it does not help them.
Do my problems not have priority over other people´s worries ?
"People are not able to listen anymore
because they don´t have the time"- I think that this statement is only partly
correct. I guess it is true, that most people are not able to listen anymore, but for me
that may have another reason: Most of the people are so preoccupied with their own
problems that there is no more space for other people`s problems!
If you have a look at Alan Ayckbourn´s play "A Talk in the Park", you can
obviously see what I mean. Those five people sitting there are dealing with serious
problems. Beryl, the young girl, for example, is reading a letter from her boyfriend, who
wants her to come back- but he beats her and she wants to leave him because of that
although it seems to me that she still loves him in a way. Try to find a bigger problem
than that the one you love is hurting you - physically and mentally. This is
psycho-terror! Or think about Ernest, who tries to escape from wife and child - imagine
how bad it is if you are not happy with the ones you should love most? Those people sit
there and are turning their problems in their mind, desperately searching for a solution.
That is why they talk to the one next to them - hopig for some advice, an idea for a
solution. And that is the reason why they don´t want to hear the problems of the others.
They have so much in their heads that there is no more space for anything else. They are
overtaxed by their own problems. I can understand that, although it is very sad.
Of course, problems of your own are not always an excuse for not caring for the problems
of the one who is next to you. But on the other hand we should respect that other people
have problems as well and when someone comes to the point where he can´t take it anymore,
we should try to accept this. I am sure when when your friend has a big problem, you will
help him. although you might have big problems as well. But with a stranger it is only too
natural that you say: "No, I got my own stuff to care for!" I think that this is
o.k., because otherwise we all would destroy ourselves by trying to solve not only our own
problems but the ones of everybody we meet in the street as well.
You should have the right to be a little bit egoistic, as long as you do not ignore
everybody`s problems and care for noone but yourself. I must admit that there are some
people who spend their whole life by helping other people- maybe because they are able to
repress their own problems. I admire those people and maybe the reason why they can do
this is that they are simply better humans. We should all try to take over a little bit of
their behaviour, as long as we do not destroy ourselves by that.